Highschool high, middle aged low

By Marc Stanislas

A recipient of a most popular kid in year 10 then transitioning to a lead singer in the school talent quest it can be said I was a bit of a legend in my own lunch box at school. When you’re at school things are simple. You decision tree is limited to homework, sport, and planning for tertiary education. I was a nutball but a lovable one at that so whilst I didn’t have a lot of friends I was everyone’s mate. No real direction but that’s OK because I was a dreamer. All good things will come to those who wait…

Fast forward 26 years and I am living in a 4 by 4 metre space in my parents garage. Yeah it’s fair to say whilst I was dreaming about all manner of future, broke, fat, drowning in alcohol, and destitute was not one of them. But that’s the thing. Middle aged failure? You’re only a failure if you accept your destiny. 

The greatest stories are those when the hero receives a beating and comes good off the lessons learned. Rocky, Andy Dufresne from Shawshank. The hero always comes good. 

Except I am no hero. I am no villain for that matter. I am just a man. And as a man, the descent to the bottom leaves you with only one choice to make. Up. 

Now getting to this place when I think about it was easy. When you cease to take active control and make active decisions in you life and just go with the flow it is easy for your life to spiral. Now I made many good decisions in this time. I married a lovely woman. I had 4 fantastic kids. I even had a job I enjoyed. But the trap door is thinking that decisions made exist in a vacuum or that they don’t need to be maintained. Also shying away from difficult decisions because you can. 

Want more time to watch TV, no problems. Stay up later. Easy decision. Tired in the mornings. Drink more coffee. Easy decision. Choosing not to engage in arguments cause their too hard. Easy decision. Eat snacks cause you can’t wait for dinner. Easy decision. 

The problem with easy decisions are they are easy to make. There is no critical thinking involved in them. And if you are not critically thinking it’s not really a decision or a passive one at that.

So I continued to make easy decisions and where did that lead me?

  • Obese
  • High Cholesterol
  • Sleep Apnea
  • Arthritic Knee
  • Living in my parents garage
  • Processing my emotions through alcohol
  • Struggling with parenting
  • Broke
  • Emotionally shot

But at the bottom. I had this delusional thought that I would be OK.

So I decided to make hard decisions such as:

  • Walking every day which led to exercising every day
  • Intermittent fasting and ketogenic diet
  • Establishing a morning routine
  • 2 litres of water a day
  • Limiting my drinking
  • Creating a daily list then going through task by task to live intentionally

Now, did the weight just drop and my living situation improve. No but little by little the changes started to take effect. Two years from the day at the bottom I had moved from XXL to M shirts. I leased my own place. I’m more focused (more often than not) and I live with intent.

Now am I the legend I was at school? No. But I am also not the middle aged failure. I am just a man.

But if you have got to the end of this just remember no matter how this finds you that failure though an event does taste like shit and it does hurt. But keep pushing, because success will eventually present itself in some type of form and you will be richer for the experience.

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