Now I like to think I go into most things eyes up. I worked at a company as a student services manager for seven years. My time was mostly good, some bad. I had felt institutionalised for a period but got through that and started producing my best work. 

But then comes the time where markets change and companies must decide to downsize. So, when money comes knocking you need to give it serious thought. You also need to check the lay of the land and see why you’ve been called in for the chat. So doing my due diligence I worked out that two roles would go into one. And it was obvious that my colleague was in line for the new role. I was surplus to requirements.   

Now the money on offer was good. Not outstanding and not something where I could sit pretty for months on end but enough to get by and pay off my credit card. Also, some time to get a new job.

You see, at that current point in time I was in a financial hole. More money was going out than coming in and I had $800 left before I maxed out my credit card. I had no cash on hand, and about a month away from making some uncomfortable decisions. So, when the money was on the table, I made the decision to take it. 

And in one fell swoop my debts were cleared, and I had money in the bank. I had made a proactive decision not to fight for my position, so I thought that I was leaving on my terms. 

I signed the form and had a few weeks left at work. About a week from signing the document I noticed things weren’t quite right. Now over the last 18 months I had gotten into the general routine of waking up at 4:30am and getting into the day. I would have energy in the mornings by completing a routine. Often, I would wake before the alarm. 

But two days after the decision was made I slept past the alarm. And as much as I tried to stick to my routines it felt like I was going through the motions. 

I found through those days I had lost my energy, I also felt listless, like I had lost my direction. I was saying all the right things about being OK and being fine. But they are social words we use the barricade ourselves to prying eyes, cause at the end of the day . 

And then I came to an epiphany! Although logically the redundancy made sense. Emotionally the proposition was very simple. I was surplus to requirements. My work wasn’t deemed valuable enough to the organisation. So, in turn I wasn’t valuable, I was a failure. 

And understanding that made all the difference. I articulated these feelings to those that asked. I didn’t give them a sob story. I was clear in responding to enquiries to my wellbeing, whether superficial or not. I found that verbalising this helped me understand it. It also helped me to support other staff stuck in the same predicament as me. 

In addition to this I started doing things that would fill my cup. I would go see friends I hadn’t caught up with. I would buy a nice price of stake. And also, would have drinks every now and then (more on this in another article). 

So, off the back of articulating my feelings, being a support to others and filling my cup did I start feeling good? No. But I also didn’t feel despondent. I genuinely left in the middle. OK, fine and ready for what tomorrow would bring without a job to go to but a feeling that it was all going to work out.